Saturday, October 17, 2009

Trying to be Patient...

If you've ever had a conversation with me, then you've heard a story about Kaelyn. That little girl is amazing. There is no other way to say it. She's witty, she's conniving, she LOVES being the center of attention, and she's so dramatic that she can bust out real tears like you wouldn't believe. AND... she's pretty, so it's so easy for her to bat those big brown eyes, and Adam (who doesn't deal with her all day) gives her whatever she wants, leaving me to be the disciplinarian. Boy, do we have some mom - daughter drama going on right now. I really try to laugh, and be grateful for her because I know that she is truly a blessing, but geez, she's only 3! What is she going to be like at 12? So yesterday was just one of those days... she woke up entirely too early, and from the time she opened her eyes, she had her mind made up that she wasn't going to be good. And when she sets her mind to something, there's no looking back. She pooped her pants (twice), cut up some of Bryce's school work, and when I put her in time out, she shook out Addison's milk all over the floor. We had company over last night, so I was really trying to clean... but it was like taking one step forward, and two steps back. I swept my floor 3 times because she kept dumping out the vacuum. She spit out her ice cream all over the floor after I mopped it. She refused to pick up her toys, so I did, and the second that I cleaned up her dollhouse, she knocked the entire thing on the floor. And to top it off, she colored all over the mural in her room, with permanent marker! This mural is literally 2 years in the making... we've had paint and color issues, and I have countless hours invested in it. You can see here where she tried to stay in the lines...

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And here she just went for it!
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I just feel like every time I take the time to make something for her, she can't wait for the perfect opportunity to mess it up. I painted her a pink table and decorated it with ribbon and tulle for her dollhouse... yeah, that lasted about a week. And, here is her toy chest, that I've already redone once.
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I really try to spend time with her by taking her to playdates, and keeping her busy with school and dance. Is this a cry for attention? A power struggle? I just don't understand why she does it... and why she's not remorseful. Yesterday, I tried tough love, time out, pleading, negotiating... and I didn't know what else to do. So I went in my closet and called my mom and cried. It was that bad. But today, as she snuggles on my arm as I type, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for losing my patience, and I feel guilty for being so angry. I just don't know what I'm going to do with her.

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